Quiet has taken to hiding lately. Overpowered by rush, noise and heavy sighs. Quiet arrived today wrapped as a gift. When was the last time this stillness rested here? Perhaps it is only here for moments. I will gladly take them and guard them. My spirit and Quiet reaquaint themselves today. They are kindred partners so often robbed of time to intertwine and move in tandum. Together they produce rest and restoration. These two so fitted for each other, so capable of wiping away days and months of noise, they are divinely united. Without Quiet I overlook, rationalize and suppress things which are in the greatest need of tending to. Life swells around me gaining a false sense of importance, insisting on a lofty position in His throne room. Quiet reminds me in the gentlest of tones that there are greater things, more important things that I alone hold the responsibility for...that I alone neglect. I am thankful for the still, the Quiet and the rest. I give You thanks and praise for all the ways You speak to me, for all the love You lavishly pour out on me.

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...Isaiah 30:15

What would it look like if we understood the magnitude of Your presence? What would it look like if, when we asked for you to be with us, we actually believed in the vast, immeasurable power that would dwell in our presence? Do we give way to grave injustice when our mindseye imagines only the lovely, tender side of You or the rescue-provider appearing in our time of need? What if we called on your name and trembled in Holy fear, fully understanding that we have just summoned power beyond human imagination? Power that is beyond containment. Power that can create and destroy with a word, much less a hand, that would demand a life in exchange for just once glance of it in it’s fullness. What if we recognized this power all around us? Is creation not a manifestation of this power harnessed into a spoken Word? Is man not proof of this power let loose in a Holy Breath? Is not the resurrection all power amassed, conquering death? Why do we choose to weakly ask for Your presence and expect an only slightly stronger delivery of it? Help us know this in the deepest recesses of our heart. Help us know that when we call on Your name, there IS NO higher power. No one greater, stronger, wiser, larger, more capable, encompassing, awe inspiring, more HOLY than You. A room cannot contain You. A situation cannot contain You, a temple or sanctuary cannot contain Your majestic, overwhelming Presence and Power. Help us ask with full expectation. Help us feel it in our spirits. Hold us while we wait.

....(14)these are just the beginning of all that he does, merely a whisper of His power. Who, then, can comprehend the thunder of His power?" Job 26:1-14

I am full today. Full of your Word and full of anticipation that You are here, dwelling deeply. I wait, on the brink of a rush that wells in my racing heart. Confession steps up, admitting to what You already know. Holy devotion stands stagnant, pooled and stilled. Countless are the wasted precious moments with You. Countless are the victories I have handed over in my own power. Countless are the infiltrations which have rooted in this mind. All rising from a stagnant life of devotion. Perhaps it is not as stagnant as I believed it to be. Perhaps the devotion has been diverted to other less worthy affections. Truth pierces. Light shins in darkness.

I sense Your Spirit moving with gentle momentum. My soul sighs in relief, recognizing it's Savior, ever in relentless pursuit. Never allowing me to go too far, but always laying the choice in my hands. Revelation and recognition rain down by Your grace. The stillness of the water is broken under the weight of heavy drops. Like the water, my soul is stirred. Anticipation wells and I recognize this thirst and hunger for You. I find myself deeply longing for You. Trembling heart, trembling mind, longing for Your presence. You come as Comfort, Revelation, Purpose and You reorder everything into it's proper place of submission, at Your Holy, Worthy feet. Why does this ransomed heart so greatly love to wander beyond Your boundaries? Your mercy overwhelms me. It brings me to a posture of complete reverence. I am consumed with thanks, recognizing even this small offering cannot come close to what You deserve. Somewhere, deeply within me, my entire being lifts up praise to You and somehow, I know You understand it and receive it. It is praise as I imagine it to be in eternity, free from the heart sick state I dabble in. Oh, Holy Father, in Your arms I find myself. I am reminded where it all begins and ends, in You.

Seek the LORD while HE may be found; call upon Him while He is near.

Isaiah 55:6

It's a new day, but the sun does not announce it in glory. Instead it is ushered in by rain and dark. It's heavy outside and I relate, tired and heavy in thought. I'm wondering how when you walked this earth You served so many... tireless,with a steady heart of obedience and passion?

What would it take for me to serve in this heart state? I'm wishing my first response would always be yes, with obedience and passion. I'm wishing my first response would never be sin. I find myself there too often. This love of mine flows free with intention, yet walks itself out with much more stumbling.

You are training this heart to be a first responder. To hear you and to move. To be your image bearer. To question less and serve more. A life layed down is free for taking up, by your mighty hands. Father keep me far from rationalization. Appearances deceive. Your power shows up when there seems to be no strength, no time, no desire, no heart. How much more would it show if this life was just layed down in total submission? Give me eyes to see, but further Lord, give me your heart so I may walk out these holy manifestations of You. Keep me from stumbling. May these hands and feet point to You,

El Roi ~ the God who sees.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:45

While I was busy looking the other way, lost in all my thoughts, my heart did something that it's rather unaccustomed to, it settled. It didn't happen in a moment of revelation. It didn't happen in an intense outpouring of surrender, it just happened.

In early morning light my eye is caught by the soft, hazy blue of the sky, the breeze blows praise through the trees and my spirit whispers, thank you for this day. In this moment, this kind of every day -usually dances right past you moment-, He whispered right back, have you noticed your heart? Now that He mentions it, I have noticed this restful, content place of relief. I wonder back through the past few weeks and confirm it's been growing up, right here in MY own heart. Simple pleasure and satisfaction spread across my face. Isn't that just like His faithful nature to work and tend when I'm not even looking ? To reward my steady, non impressive efforts to hang on to Him... with such a grand prize. What love is this poured out on me?

Thank you Father.

Thank you for this day.

Thank you for this settled heart.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. 1 John 3:1a

Today marks the end of a long journey or perhaps it's really only the beginning. This very weary soul is looking heavenward this morning, groping for the Rock, hoping my hand is secure on it. I wonder if I really ever know how firm the grip is until the testing comes. So, this morning I am waiting. Waiting for Your answer. Waiting for you to reveal the path you have chosen and decided with all authority and sovereignty. The path that is the highest and best for me...for this family.

I am carried back through this long journey and am left in awe of the refining and teaching you graced me with. Knowing now in this culminating moment, I would go through it all again just to be this close to You. The chance to question and search my thoughts of You, to seek Your meaning in it all. To love Your Word. To deeply understand the condition of my heart and it's desires. All I want is You. I say that with whole conviction and fresh passion, standing firm on these new understandings I have of Your ways. Less of me, more of You. Much less of me....

I don't know where today will take me in Your kingdom. The comfort comes in Your leading, not mine. Years past saw this immature, desperate heart crying out for something You simply did not give. The desire still lays deep there, but the grasping of Your sovereignty blankets it all.

This morning we praise You. In the early hours he and I steal moments to praise, laugh and hold each other up. I teach the three in toe to praise You. We sit together and lift our raw thoughts, fears and emotions to You. We end knowing our future is secure and purposed for Your kingdom. I am secure in Your will. Praise will permeate this morning, it will flood into this afternoon and give it's encore in the evening hours. It gives peace. It gently tends to my mind.

Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

Psalm 16:5-6

There have been many tears here today, not all mine though. Today my heart, the mother's heart, was wounded and stretched fresh. All three little ones took turn today, emotion pouring out, raw and hurting. I call them all little, although they are not. As day begins, first born stops me at the top of the stairs. He lifts his eyes to mine and I am met with wide, glossed over, brimming eyes, begging for a release, a word, a comfort. We retreat together to solitude and the flood pours hard, proving pain knows every age and this growing son needs confidence giving words to sooth and build up. I can hardly bare his pain, I am so intimately familiar with it. I swallow hard to hold back my own flood. Father help me know how to encourage him. Help him find himself in You.

Hours pass and the chaos of the day has taken over. I am worn low and third born tests to the brink. I deliver harsh words. They sting and do their job. Tears flood, but beyond them I hear the crushing question from the littlest, "what did I do?"

He is genuinely confused. It is my turn now to crumble in tears. How gentle a word he needed, how far from that he received. I embrace him, quietly tear and pour out broken, imperfect love.

Father forgive me. Give me patience and unconditional love for this child.

Dark has finally blanketed. Stars are in their full glory and second born slips into bed beside me. He reveals fears that come at night, trapped deep in the mind. He frets down deep. I comfort and begin to pray aloud over him. One single tear streams down his perfect face the moment I call on Your name. I realize the depth of this fear in him and I weep, understanding what it is to release all emotion at just the mention of Your name. Understanding what it is to need You to rescue down to the very core.

Father protect his young mind from the evil that seeks to devour. Bring comfort to his tender heart.

Our tears reveal our desperate need Lord. This journey is impossible apart from you. Come quickly to us. Grant us Your wisdom and Your settling peace. These children belong to You. Hold them, protect them and sanctify them for Your glory while we wait...

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4