I am wishing I wasn't feeling the gnaw deep in my soul today. I am thankful that I have finally recognized it, but wishing even more that I had never given it reason to surface. Like slowly walking out of a cloudy fog, I find myself looking back over the days wondering where I allowed myself to go. Wondering why I chose to walk away. Were You wondering why as well, my Lord?

The familiar voice of deception woos me, inviting me to linger in the past and join him in his efforts to reshape me into my former self. He wreaks of condemnation.

Not today. I have come too far and I am too desperate and hungry for the Light. In the name of Christ, you, Deceiver will stay in the past.

So, today I am giving fresh thanks for the gnawing. I am asking that I never grow so accustomed to it that I can no longer feel it. I am asking to know You, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Almighty, the Everlasting One...better. Will You take me deep into Your heart? I know I don't deserve to go there, but I also know You would love nothing more than to take me there. What a gentle and tender nature You have which never contradicts and never fails.

I will not look back. I will not look back at the failure of the recent days. I will not look back at what could have been. I will not look back at the old self. I will keep my gaze fixed on You. You are leading me into Your glorious Presence. Submit and follow are the gentle commands I hear. Lord, I so want to be fit for the kingdom of God....Your kingdom. In Your merciful way please lead me there. I will do my best not to chart my own course. I will lay my life in your consuming hands.

I delight greatly in the LORD, my soul rejoices in my God. Isaiah 61:10a