I find myself embedded deep in lessons of trust these days. Lessons that seem crafted especially for me. What are You preparing for me? Will I have the privilege of knowing? Are You sure this wavering soul can handle this journey? I begin with elementary responses to the invitation to trust. Fear of the outcome is heavy and I muddle through the river of emotions with whispered declarations, "I trust You". Again and again the words flow out, in a chant -like offering, soothing the wandering mind. Every statement lifted up gains confidence and heart desire. This becomes routine over the early days. Genuine trust in His goodness prevails. Days wear on though and He chooses to extend the lesson. It becomes necessary to weave a lesson in patience into the plan as this restless heart fights to chart her own course. The chant - offering somehow seems to have lost it's ability to encourage the fearful heart. The mind wanders back to the early questions - are you sure I am strong enough to handle the work You are doing here? What if Your outcome is not what my heart is desperate for? Will I trust you still? Will I trust You through the pain that is sure to follow? All my days of abiding with You...will they have prepared me enough to live out what I believe?
In the end, the prevailing Truths are simple in their nature. You are good. You are sovereign. Your ways are higher. You work all things for the good of those who love You. I gave my life to You a long time ago. It is still Yours. I will not take it back. Only now am I beginning to know what it means to live an abandoned life in the exceedingly capable care of the One who created me.
And so my chant - offerings deepen in trust and envelop me. I am Yours. I will go where You lead. I will do as You ask. And I find myself back where I began. Confident in who You are.
I trust You.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10
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